We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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