Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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