I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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