I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
