3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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