you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
