so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
