I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
