Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
