I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
