my sisters under your porch take her home
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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