Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
