Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
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No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
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My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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