Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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