I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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