Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
