I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
