The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
