i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
