Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize