Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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