Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
