My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
