Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
