he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
