You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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