i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night