A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
