a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.