I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.