she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
now i know why i became what i already was.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE