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I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
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