i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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