and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
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I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
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I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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