This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
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He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
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Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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