i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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