It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
