ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
