Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm both gender and math confused
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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