My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
