the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
