Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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