I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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