I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
