the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
