Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
