i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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