And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
