so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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