i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
