Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
