The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
