U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
