Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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