I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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