Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
