You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
