Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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