This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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