why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
